Phylix and Oliver
Monday, August 22, 2016
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Hi there! My name is Lauren and I am a Senior at the University of Oklahoma. I have grown up in Norman my entire life and plan to move to the west coast with my sweet baby girl, Phylix (shown below), and my handsome boyfriend when I graduate next Spring! I hope to get to know some of you guys! The link to my new website is Laurengarner95.
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I love how you decided to make your storybook about your cats, it’ll definitely make it more personal to you! Oliver is also great, and It’ll be nice to see Phylix with a companion. She sounds very curious and I bet that’ll play a big part in the adventures she goes on!
ReplyDeleteHawaiian Folk stories sounds like a nice topic as well. I haven’t had a chance to read those myself, but I look forward to seeing how your storybook progresses.
Some suggestions I have for your introduction is to maybe write out a “prologue” that tells us more about Phylix and why she decides to go out on her adventures (in relation to the story). I enjoyed reading about her personality and how she she is getting along in her new home, but maybe parts of it could go on the front page instead?
I don’t know if I’m making much sense, but I really like your idea so far! I can’t wait to read more!
It sounds like Phylix’s and Oliver’s adventures will be very fun, and they will get to experience everything together! The introduction you made was a different approach compared to mine, where I went straight to a scene about my story. I like how your choice of the website theme fits a Hawaiian theme.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how you will be incorporating Phylix in the stories. Considering that the Hawaiian stories are maybe mostly about people, which is most of what I have read so far in the stories I have chosen, it would be interesting to read everything from a cat’s perspective. It seems like everything will be cat-themed, and it is something that I would be interested in reading.
At the end of the introduction, you can probably add a small description of the stories that will feature Phylix to show the readers what Phylix and Oliver will be experiencing specifically.
Hey Lauren,
ReplyDeleteStarting off, I am allergic to cats and don't have very friendly feelings towards them. BUT! One of my friends has two HUGE Mane Coons. I will be writing this comment as I read your story.
I would start your introduction jumping right into the story. The ones I have already read have done that and it really creates a smooth flow. It also actively hooks the reader immediately. I would tell the story as if Phylix (love the name) is telling the story. Think Garfield, but with a better personality.
The style of your story is Phylix? or is the subject of your story Phylix? I don't know if I'm understanding what you mean by the style of Phylix...
I think that your direction for a story with Phylix is very good. I am a little misled because I thought the story originally about the adventure of Phylix from Norman to Hawaii, but it doesn't seem that you have made that decision yet. I think you tying in Oliver is absolutely brilliant and extremely cute. I think that you have a lot of potential with the direction you choose to take, but I expected the introduction to really demonstrate that already.
I hoped this helped. I look forward to seeing beautiful Phylix, the Mane Coon, again as your develop your story!
Hey Lauren, first off I am already interested because this is about cats. I always find a story interesting if there is a way to incorporate a cat in the mix. I found your introduction very informative and straight forward which was nice. I like knowing up front what the general story book theme is going to be. This always helps me to imagine the setting of your storybook up front and have that frame work as I progress through the story. Also I think it is neat that you are incorporating a Hawaiian theme to Phylix's adventures. Also I agree with Austin that it would be neat to incorporate Oliver as well as a sidekick to Phylix or something. Lastly, I think the overall background and setup of your storybook is easy to follow and matches the theme. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing how your progress this storybook in the future.
ReplyDeleteLauren, the title of your storybook caught my attention right away because I LOVE Hawaii. I've only been a couple of times but I think it's such a cool place. The culture is so interesting. I didn't even know there were Hawaiian folk stories in the UnTextbook. I'll have to check those out.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great idea to use your cats as well! Phylix is seriously one of the prettiest cats I have ever seen. And I love her name too. I am so excited to read stories about her. Such a cool idea! I read through the other comments and I agree that it would be awesome to use Oliver as a sidekick. I'm so glad they're getting along. Cat friends are the cutest.
My only suggestion for your introduction is to maybe format it more like a story itself. I think you did a great job setting up your characters and letting us know about you, but it could be even more engaging if you maybe wrote from Phylix's point of view, or at least put her in the middle of some action already. Just a suggestion. I thought this was great, and I can't wait to read more!
Phylix is such a cutie! I'm really excited to read about his life. Actually, my storybook is very similar to yours but it's about my dog Cedie, shot for Mercedes. My storybook is a diary-entry style project. I'm excited to get some inspiration for my page from your page!
ReplyDeleteI really like your description about your cat. You can tell that you really love him! Your cat's behavior really reminds me of my dog's behavior with the squirrel watching. I think it's really cool that you're doing Hawaiian folk stories. Im not very familiar with these, so it will be a fun journey :-)
Laura suggested that I added a little tidbit of my project in the intro- so I did a "Day in the life of Cedie" and I think it helped give my readers a bit more of a picture of Cedie. Maybe give it a try and see what you think!
Great job!
Emily
Introduction / General Blog Comments
ReplyDelete-On your cover page, you have in the title "Mane Coon", but in your introduction you say that your cat is a "Maine Coon."
-Also on the cover page, the link that is attached to "Phylix!" doesn't take me anywhere on your site. (Linked to Gmail?)
-Your introduction goes into a lot of detail about Phylix as she is in reality, which is good and gives the reader perspective, but not a lot about Phylix the character you are going to be portraying. When I read this introduction, I was left wondering several things, such as "Will Phylix talk?" or "What inspires her to become like Pele?"
Story 1 Comments
-Good point-of-view! Immediately we know this is a cat's story based on the details you provide (her opinions on squirrels, for example).
-It's a little confusing what exactly Phylix is capable of. She doesn't know simple things like fire or television, but she is able to do her own "research." Maybe if you provided details on how exactly she did research it would be more clear.
-Your prose is general was pretty good. I like Phylix's personality and the little lines, like "Mommy has always told me that I am a princess, but now I want to be a goddess like Pele." I thought that was great!
Hi Lauren!
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook based on your title! I love animals and Hawaii so how could I not read your stories. Your cats are adorable, by the way. I have a cat that also acts like a dog too, so I can definitely relate to that. I used to spend almost every summer in Hawaii when I was younger, so I was excited to read about some of their history. I liked that your visual theme has aspects that relate to Hawaii and that you have added pictures of your cat. This really helped me get a feel for the setting of your story and helped me to visualize what the characters looked like. I read your story titled, “My Journey to Becoming Pele,” and thought it was a great way to begin your storybook. It was cute, funny, and informative. I would suggesting watching out for comma errors and re-reading to make sure your “your vs. you’re” usage is correct!
Hi Lauren, love how your story is about cats. I could just imagine this going on in those crazy little cat minds. This was a great story about the interest and the starting of a little adventure about becoming Pele. At first I thought it was about the soccer player, but you did a great job in explaining who Pele was. I have never been to Hawaii, but I can imagine the adventures there. Some points I would love to share, first, great job from the cat's point of view. You had good grammar and the story flowed very well. Second, I would love for you to explain the setting of the characters a little bit more, just so we can see how the cat could become more like Pele.
ReplyDeleteHey, Lauren!
ReplyDeleteI'm back to read more stories from you because I liked the intro so much!
My Journey to Becoming Pele:
The first line of this story reminds me of the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme song, so that was great. It's really cool that you connected this story to other stories that you have written. I'm so glad that you're incorporating your cat into your story, as I am with my dog! It's been fun :-)
The Story of the Snow Goddesses:
You do a great job of keeping in character of your cat- it really does seem like she's writing the stories. The end of this story is great! It leaves the reader thinking and guessing what she could claim as her own to become a goddess. Also, super cute picture of the fluff! Post more!
Great job, cant wait to read more!
Emily
Oh, this is so cute. I love the character you gave to your two cats. This is a very unique way to set up your Storybook; I love it! I like to think that if my two cats back home could tell me what they were thinking, they would have little personalities quite like the ones you've constructed for yours here.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your first story. The part that especially had me laughing was when your cat singed her tail on the fire from the candle? And then how she was comparing that to Pele? That was gold.
I think the way that you incorporated different aspects of cats' lives was really smart. Like, how your cat was watching the squirrels from inside, or how they were listening to your human conversations. I like to think that cats can actually understand everything we're saying, they just choose not to respond.
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteWhen I first opened your page it really set the tone for what stories were to come! I really love that picture of the Maine Coon! Your color template really balances out the tone fro your stories as well.
Your introduction is put together very well. At first I was confused as to were your story was going until I got towards the end where you explained what will happen in the next couple of stories. I really love the idea of you actually using your cat in your storybook.
Your first story really start off the journey for the rest of your stories. I did feel though that this was more of an introduction then it was a story. I was hoping her journey would have started in this story. Besides that I could really picture the cats tail being on fire.
Your second story I love that we are learning about these goddess through your cat. I am understanding how you are going about this now. At first you made it seem that your cat was going to go on adventures instead of the narration of what she was thinking. I really feel like I am inside a cats head though. Seeing everything a cat would see. You did a very nice job creating this element for your readers. Keep up the great work, I can't wait to come back and read more.
Hey Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your storybook this week! I love all the picture you have of Phylix and Oliver throughout your storybook. Im not really much of a cat person, but your cats look so fun and adorable. I think it definitely helps your storybook using your own cat because then you can really develop his feelings and its way more personal. I thought your introduction and your first story really help set up the rest of your storybook well. Keep up the good work!
Hi Lauren!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your storybook this week! It wasn't assigned to me but I felt as though I hadn't looked at your work in a long time so I would go ahead and check it out!
I like that you put your cats throughout your storybook... it gives some consistency through the images which I think is important. It kept me involved completely.
Can't wait to see how it ends up!
Hi Lauren! Your storybook is so cute. I love that you made it from your cat’s perspective. And it is all about Hawaii! How fun! I also really love the theme you chose for this, I think it goes well with Phylix’s perspective. (Also, such a cool name!) Phylix is hilarious and so curious! Oliver is such a cutie, too. You did an amazing job incorporating a cats perspective into these stories. I bet it is so fun to write it from a cats point of view. Your storybook is put together really nicely and it was easy to navigate from story to story. Your writing is super enjoyable to read, too. You set up the scene nicely and describe everything in the perfect amount of detail. Keep up the good work!!
ReplyDeleteI love cats! I love how you’re telling the story from the perspective of the cat. I love how you add in things like knocking something off the counter a million times. I love how you added in parts that cats wouldn’t really understand, like calling the TV a colorful box with sounds. I love how the cat becomes the goddess of sleep! My little kitty sleeps so much that it would be a perfect title for a cat to have! I enjoyed that I wasn’t able to notice any errors in your story too, you revised really well! I found it interesting that Pele wasn’t beautiful when she slept, and that the fact that she could sleep was a determining factor for Phylix to become the goddess of sleep. I loved all the personal cat pictures, they’re so cute! Good job on your storybook, I wish I was able to read more about it this semester!
ReplyDelete